High School crush: Yuko Kojima

It's funny how in the middle of everything that goes on in my life I sometimes stop to reminisce about my days in high school. Throughout those years I went through some adventurous experiences as I tried to figure out my own individuality, which are forever filed away in my memory.

Out of these moments there is one that often holds my attention and causes me to really wonder how my future could have turned out under different circumstances. This involved a girl in my school by the name of Yuko Kojima. At this time all I can recall is that she was in the music program and played the violin and I can still remember how she looked back then. Very quiet and unassuming, this Korean beauty struck me as a mystery and I was definitely intrigued. But no matter how strong this crush became that I had on her I remained too shy to make an approach to even introduce myself. In this pitiful sense of reality I relied on the gossiping of my classmates to let Yuko know how I felt. It is so hilarious when I look back and realize how I used the big mouths of other kids to my advantage without them even knowing! Anyway, word eventually got around to her via her circle of friends and that was when the pursuit began. Everyday there was a break in between two class periods where we would cross paths in the main hallway, and goodness knows I always looked forward to it. She would make eye contact with me, give a faint smile and then look to the floor in her own shy manner. It might have been a split second at the most, but nonetheless it had such an effect on me emotionally...and physically. Even typing about this is bringing back the sensation as if it just happened yesterday! I would constantly get jokes from fellow classmates about my crush on this girl of a different ethnicity but it didn't really bother me. After a while of going through these hallway meetings I finally gathered enough courage to give one of her friends my phone number to pass it on. I then expected a call right away since it was apparent that we both liked each other and I had made the first move, but I didn't receive any. After waiting by the phone like an idiot for a week or two I became frustrated and figured she was not interested in me anymore. In a huge fit of embarrassment I avoided looking at her while walking the hallways in order to not appear desperate and pitiful. It was then that during a study session at the library I was approached by one of her friends who said that Yuko was concerned for me due to how I was acting. I was honest with her friend about my feelings in the situation and left it at that, and later on that evening the phone rang. Being that I was a teacher pet loner from day one I RARELY received phone calls compared to my socialite brother and sister. I answered and it was she.

After being at a loss for words for a moment I went though the usual "hello how's it going" routine to keep from killing the mood and looking like a complete jackass. To my surprise the conversation Yuko and I had started was very engaging and I had great time getting to know her. Just when I thought it was all smooth sailing I came at her with a question that to this day still bugs the hell out of me: “Can you see yourself with me as my wife?”
My mouth had hit the floor when I heard her say yes on the other end of the line, and I was immediately at a loss for words and excited to find that she really liked me. I then followed up questions of seeing the two of us with children, with grandchildren and in old age...and she answered yes to all of them! Whether she was serious or just being nice to me, I must say that was one of those times when I had felt the greatest about myself. I wanted to be with this wonderful girl and it was verified that she wanted to be with me, too! But we fell out of touch and before I knew it graduation was upon the class of 1999 and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my future.

Even today I sometimes wonder how she's doing out there wherever she is and kick myself for not being more proactive in fostering a bond with her. I often have dreams of being with her and imagine the two of us nurturing a family unit. I honestly think that I may have pushed her away due to my being scared and shy which is the exact same reason I find myself not going to school or pursuing my writing career. Oh well that's life. I wonder what I would do if she were to get in contact with me today...