Not So Sure

I am currently sitting in the middle of night class with a worksheet before me...and I seriously have no idea what the hell I am supposed to do to answer these questions. How in the world did I ever fly under the radar to end up in this compromising position?! It is the fourth week of this term and I seriously feel like I haven't learned much of anything since the first class just a while ago!! I have officially come to a moment of forsaken effort in maintaining my bearings in this particular class, and I am just holding out for the final exam at this point. It appears that the instructor's delivery of the material is so dry and uninteresting with the monotone sound of his voice, and my own attempts at reading ahead in the course book have been futile. Pushing harder in my study times haven't helped my test averages, but classwork and homework grades are great. I don't know why my brain seems to have such a difficult time grasping this material when I wholeheartedly would like to learn it all.

What makes this all so conflicting is that I recently got an invitation to the Phi Theta Kappa honor society due to my high GPA. Of course there is some excitement from such an accomplishment, but there's also much self-doubt and fear of failure. If I am to join this honor society I would have to maintain my high GPA which is exactly what I intend to do. What scares me is the uncharted territory of all the new material to which I have yet to be introduced and whether or not I can comprehend it in its entirety. I don't just want to do enough to just pass, I want to actually UNDERSTAND what I am being taught throughout each term. I feel envious of classmates who seem to know these electronic subjects so well from personal experience and job training. They have absolutely no problem in spewing forth random formulas and concise explanations for circuitry phenomena and executing endless equations on their scientific calculators. The more I sit in the middle of these classes, the more I seem to be learning that this field is not my passion in the same manner as writing and performing onstage. Playing with gadgets and making video reviews on YouTube is different than studying circuitry and its components, and I may have gone in way over my head with ECPI. I am now scared stiff into doing nothing, and I know that is not the right answer. I also feel like gathering my things and walking out of the classroom, but I know that's not the answer either.

At the end of the day I will just have to try harder with some extra tutoring to start with. It's no one's grade but mine. One more year left of all this schooling and it seems so far away.

TRENT
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